Our very first house was a two family, front and back flats, that we purchased before we got married. It was in Kaisertown, where we grew up, and we lived there for 5 years before we moved to the suburbs. Being landlords was not for us. When we move in, I had to raise the rent to $100 for the front tenant, and it just killed me, because she was an elderly woman, but this was an investment for us and I had no choice.
Over the years, house hunting became a major weekend past time. Even though we were already in our second home, which was beautiful, and in a neighborhood that the boys loved, it was in a sub-division, and we always had visions of living in the country, and thus pursued that perfect home of our dreams.
On the way to this ‘perfection’. We did have a few eye openers. . .or perhaps a better word would be misadventures.
When Eric, my youngest son, was only a year old, we looked at a home that was completely out of our comfort zone. It was in a rural area along Lake Ontario, and the house was in pristine condition. . that is, if it was 1930. The wallpaper was all original, and this home had no kitchen cabinets, instead it had a butlers pantry, which was very common during that time period. It had a back staircase, as well as a beautiful one in the front foyer. This had always been something that I loved, back stairs, since my Aunt Kitty had them in her house, and I used to visit there a lot when I was a child (by the way, Aunt Kitty’s house is my all time favorite home). The foyer was huge, and the staircase was gorgeous...all wood, and wonderful!! When I first saw it, my jaw dropped, Jerry told me not to show so much positive enthusiasm as it might drive the price up. The bedrooms had no closets, which was also very common for homes built during the early 1900’s.
In the basement was a cistern, which is a place to catch rain water. I was also told that there were snakes in the basement...ok, I wasn’t going down there. The property was on 5 acres, and included a barn, a chicken coop, and a couple other small out buildings. It also had a front porch, which is also something that I’ve loved since childhood.
The only neighbors at that time were chickens on one side and corn on the other, like I said, very rural. This house would not be ’the one’, and I’m very glad that it wasn’t because my life would be very different now, and some of the people that I hold very dear would not be in it. So we move on. . .
A few years later, we decided to check out a new area of homes. . yes, it was in a sub-division, but it couldn’t hurt to look. It had been raining for a few days prior, and the area was very muddy around all of the model homes. We proceeded to check each one out. By the time we got to the last one, our shoes were covered in mud. We walked in the last home and I told the kids to wipe off their mud caked feet in the front hall before we took the tour. . "Make sure you get all that mud off". At that point, something happened that was an absolute shock to us. . .we looked up, and in the kitchen, a family was eating dinner. . . "UHHHHHHH, HELLO?". . .talk about embarrassed. There we were, wiping our filthy feet on their front hall rug, thinking this was a model home. With a very ‘tail between our legs’ apology, we turned and got as far away from that house as possible. . .and then you just know we laughed our asses off!! Dare we move on?
The next house was also in the country, but not quite as rural as the Lake Ontario home, a bit closer to civilization. By this time, Eric was 10 and Todd was in his last year of high school.
This particular house was being sold by the owners, an elderly couple. He was very articulate, and we later found out that he was a handwriting expert and banker. They seemed very friendly and I think that they really liked us. The property was also 5 acres, mostly wooded, and the home was a small ranch, on a hill, and in perfect condition. The woman had a lot of beautiful antiques, and it was immaculate. I have to mention that Eric was not at all happy about even thinking about moving, in fact he pretty much decided he wasn’t going, no matter what!
This house seemed perfect for us, so we decided to put a bid in. Our bid was accepted and we put our house on the market and scheduled an ‘Open House’. A couple of weeks went by when I got a phone call from the woman. . .she was frantic, absolutely hysterical. . .I thought that her husband must have died. Uh, NO. . .he just packed up his stuff and left for a commune in Lake Tahoe...alrighty then!!!! I could not calm her down. She was very upset, but she seemed more upset that there was no one there to cut the grass. So, being the ‘NICE’ people that we are, we decided to go over there and Jerry would cut her grass.
When we arrived at the house, the woman was working in the garden….’HOLY SHIT, JERRY, SHE KILLED HIM AND IS BURYING HIS BODY IN THE GARDEN!!!!!!’!! I expected to see a hand in the soil!!
Oh My GOD!!!! We didn’t know these people, who knows if she was capable of something like that!!!! I could just see us on the news. Anyway, she proceeded to give Jerry his grass cutting instructions, and believe me, they’re were a lot...and they were very precise as to how she wanted that grass cut. I got to sit on the porch with her while we waited. She began to tell me a very strange, and twisted story. She said that her husband had a relationship with their daughter that was way too close. . .inappropriately close (OMG!! I don’t want to hear this stuff!!). . .she also hauled out a garbage bag full of his books regarding commune living in Lake Tahoe, with various passages highlighted. Apparently this was a place that he went often, and alone...but I don’t think that she realized that his intentions were to go there and stay once the house was sold, I think that these were his plans all along.
Jerry finished the grass, and the woman gave his work a critique, it wasn’t quite up to her standards. . .I’m not sure that she even said ‘Thank You’. She brought out something for Jerry to drink and at that point told us that she had the locks changed. . .but that the locksmith was chasing her around the basement, so she had to tell him to leave. . .(look in the G-A-R-D-E-N!!!). Thank God I came with Jerry or he might have been accused of chasing her with the lawn mower.
When we left, I told Jerry that I didn’t want anything to do with this house at all!!!! BAD JuJu!!! As soon as we got home, I called the realtor who was handling our sale and cancelled the Open House. We would wait for the contract to expire, and hope that our home didn’t sell until then.
That evening, I got a call from the ‘husband’…..’Well, hello’. He was calling from Lake Tahoe to assure us that even though he had left, nothing would change and that the deal would all be the same. I told him that his wife was devastated, and that he would have been better off dropping dead than leaving her high and dry, and that he should have at least waited until the process was complete. Luckily, there was no interest in our house, and the contract did expire. . .and that was the last we ever heard of either one of them.
Another house that caught our eye was actually on the street that we now live on. It was a small refurbished farmhouse, with a big, beautiful barn on the property. The house itself was just so small, so small that the bathroom was directly off the dining room. It was remodeled, but not really to our liking, but it was that great barn that had us hooked. Jerry and I went to check it out, and then I decided to take the kids to see the property. So, Todd, Eric, & myself took a ride. I don’t remember if we went in, but we did walk around the property and of course into the massive barn. . .which both guys liked.
When we were ready to leave. we got in the car, and something smelled like shit...’ Check your shoes guys, one of you must have stepped in dog shit’!! They checked, and said nothing was on their shoes. . ‘one of you stepped in shit and it stinks!!!’ I kept at them because the odor was getting worse!! I looked down at my feet, and there, all over my sandal clad feet. . Oozing and gushing up between my toes. . spread all over the floor, and covering the car pedals was a mushy, red, you guessed it...DOG SHIT!!! Lots of it!!! Needless to say, the three of us started to laugh so hard that we literally cried. . .I had to pull over because we were laughing so hard. There was nothing to be done at that point, just hold our breaths and head for home. I don’t know how we got there because this kind of ‘funny’ doesn’t go away very fast!! When we did get home, I jumped out of the car, got the hose and just cleaned my feet and sandals. . .then I had to clean the car...OMG!!! It was so gross!!! And of course the kids were still laughing!
When we got home, I did call about the house, and was really surprised to learn how large it was. They called it a split level, so I expected a small stairs off the living room. We made an appointment. The front entry had double doors and when I walked into the huge foyer, once again my jaw dropped. This was not your average split level home. It was actually a tri-level, with a full staircase to the upstairs. . .not what I had pictured at all.
Probably the weirdest thing about this house was the basement. They had closed off half of it and made it into an apartment...an awful apartment. How anyone lived there is beyond me. Jerry assured me that it could be reversed. The yard was beautiful and there was an in-ground pool to boot. We fell in love with this house. . .it went from ‘UGLY’ to ‘GORGEOUS’ in one fell swoop!
Needless to say, we bought the house. By this time Todd was already in college, and Eric was ready to start high school, so moving was no problem.
On the evening before we were to move, we went to the house to take some smaller items. When we walked into the family room, the owners son and a friend of his were there (he lived in the house). . .the entire room smelled like pot...I guess they were celebrating.
Once we were moved in, Jerry took on the major task of the basement, which was separated into two basements. He took down the wall in between….and then started to clean...and clean...and clean.
Todd was home from school at one point and helped Jerry. They found a few very interesting items down there. Hidden in the rafters was a rifle, and an array of snapshots taken in our yard of a naked woman...OK...into the fireplace they went!!! (Todd wanted to take them back to school with him. . .I don’t think so!)!! They also found a floor safe that they had to pry open. In this safe was a bottle, in the bottle was a rolled up small plastic bag, tightly wound with rubber bands...in that was a cigarette pack, also rolled up...in the cigarette pack were a few very large white pills. Now call me crazy, but I doubt if that’s where they stored their vitamins. We contemplated having them analyzed, but had no idea what they were and didn’t want to be caught with this unknown substance, so they got flushed...what a lovely housewarming!!!
So, here we are 20 years later. . .in our beautiful remodeled house, with my new gourmet kitchen that Jerry did for me. . .and contemplating if it’s time to move on yet again.
“So Jerry, what do you think, are you up for another adventure?”
